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Bigger Than Myself

by Bug Hunter

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1.
Safe Word 03:55
A broken clock's right twice a day but mine spins in reverse and may have doubled odds and better luck Now it's twice as good as worthless junk My heart's as healthy as a horse but my hard hat's lookin' hardly worn That other steel toed boot'll drop but I don't know when, or how to stop I wish I had a secret code to signal me to take it slow I need a sin like calculus 'cos my limit does, in fact, exist! So slow down, focus, do yoga poses and learn to love the lull and just breathe... Breathe… breathe… Alright I'm good! I think I'm smiling and nodding, but surveillance cameras caught me laugh manaically headbutting every obstacle, I've got to turn it off... and pick back up when I am calm Even with an invitation, boy, you gotta learn to knock (Oh knock it off!) ... And do me one favor: Remember the safe word I get that passion motivates and crashes down like ocean waves but tunnel vision's toxic man, you're not John Henry, take a breath That might sound harsh when you are used to head rubs, praise, and sugar cubes I just hate to see you racing towards behaviors that we shouldn't reward So slow down, focus, do yoga poses and learn to love the lull and just Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. (Alright!) I think I'm smiling and nodding, blending in and getting on but no, I haven't fooled the cameras in my camel camoflauge I'll take it off! ...and I won't spit on anyone Even with an invitation, boy, you gotta learn to knock (Oh knock it off!) And do me one favor: Remember the safe word And I have no construction crew to build this introduction tune but it's sound and under budget, too... The chords work, the beat works, the verse and melody works and these words, they each work, have purpose versus knee-jerk Safety first, let's be sure our neon PPE works Now the only thing that needs work is the last bit of the bridge! I think I'm smiling and nodding, mild-mannered, nodding off It's just my neck is getting tired, so much nonsense to hold up Just take a pause... but don't give up the dream If they change the locks behind you, you can find another key and hope a smile and a nod's the only signal they have seen You're no machine but there's no shame in blowing off a little steam, so hear me knock! Hear me hammer, hear me yell and don't knock it 'till you've tried it, tried to knock or tried the bell (Ah, let me in!) The trip has been paid for and you have a way forth so don't waste the day or delay it for later But do me one favor: Remember the safe word
2.
Headlights 03:50
Calm The key is to be calm I'm sure that my hands will settle soon Just keep them locked at ten and two and carry on I need to carry on... 'cause taking that final look behind me changes nothing but my mind If I stop now and turn the other way I'm only going back for yester- Only going back for yesterday And it's okay We're better off apart but that's the part of me that voices things I never meant to say We're like two cars in the night Your headlights blind me briefly then you're gone and we continue on our way Well I'm not feeling too well I tried every trick to understand If I seem lost it's 'cause I am and I need Help I need a little help I've crossed your path so many times but right now yours just isn't mine The road is clear, a sign as if to say: It's time you let the past be yester- Time you let the past be yesterday And it's okay We're better off apart but that's the part of me that voices things I never meant to say We're like two cars in the night Your headlights blind me briefly Then you're gone and we continue on our way And when I think it's far enough away You make me feel like it was yester- Make me feel like it was yesterday And it's okay We're better off apart but that's the part of me that voices things I never meant to say We're like two cars in the night Your headlights blind me briefly then you're gone and we continue on our way And my exit's on the right The mile markers counting down the empty minutes of the night and I drive on... Letting limits pass me by As I search my rearview mirror Not for the dawn but for the incoming headlights
3.
You pay me to exaggerate, I think I've done enough of turning bummers into heartaches and crushes into love Sometimes our lives are mild, our stories: just okay I'll set your expectations in the middle when I say: "Hell yep" A hell yep And knock me down a peg when I wanna be a big shot I'm just a toddler with a slingshot For example: I got cornered by a salesman at a farmers market booth selling cheap ceramic bowls meant for dogs to eat their food I haggle like a master, I showed them how I do I didn't want one, but I got a deal for two Hell yep I don't have a regret Or a dog Knock me down a peg when I wanna be a big shot I'm just a toddler with a slingshot Don't have the strength Don't have the aim I'm building up my motor skills and everything's a game You say I'm harmless (you're probably right) But nothing is more trouble than a toddler going quiet Keep an eye on me, keep your eye, keep your eye on me ... and knock me down a peg when I wanna be a big shot I'm just a toddler with a slingshot I asked for half your candy bar you raised it in the air and split it down the middle made a perfect little pair You smiled like a sweetheart my hand extended out You winked at me and popped both of the pieces in your mouth Hell nope That one's a hell nope… no mercy with a Hershey ‘fore she Knocked me down a peg when I wanna be a big shot I'm just a toddler with a slingshot Don't have the strength Don't have the aim I'm building my my motor skills and everything's a game You say I'm harmless (so did Goliath) But nothing is more trouble than a toddler going quiet Keep an eye on me Keep your eye, keep your eye and watch me well or I'll raise a little hell ... a hell yep They asked me for a catch phrase I didn't miss a step If their story's kind of boring you can tell 'em: "Hell Yep," Hell Yep! Knock me down a peg when I wanna be a big shot and I will kick it up the next notch And if I work, put in the labor, blood, sweat, call in every favor Eat my veggies, say my prayers, push myself to be a danger… ... I'll be a preteen with a Taser
4.
Again and again Start over from scratch Build up from the ground The new kid in class I tell them my name Again and again I try to be kind and hope for a friend And hope for a friend It's like a game of hide and seek, they count to ten and look for me but it's been half an hour, I'm still crouched behind the couch and think That maybe they've forgotten me, gave up, gone to watch T.V. no calls for me, apologies, or olly olly oxen frees The childhood I had An outsider in my head Again and again Again and again We pack up and move I skip like a stone New school to new school Unable to float and holding my breath Afraid to approach Will you be my friend? Will you be my friend? It's like a game of hide and seek, they count to ten and look for me but it's been several hours I'm still crouched behind the couch and think That I'm the piece they'd rather lose, the seed you plant that never blooms A new kid much too nervous to stand up, step out or leave his room The childhood I had, an outsider in my head Again and again Class we have a new student He's a little withdrawn He just moved here from Texas or Nashville or Mars He'll be gone before long So he's not worth the trouble He's a novelty when all the cliques are connected The ephemeral friend It's like a game of hide and seek They count to ten and look for me but it's been twenty years and I'm still crouched behind the couch and think That I'd be different had I known that birthday cakes and milestones wouldn't mark my progress growing up like years of eating lunch alone The childhood I had, an outsider in my head I ask myself: without it, would I be the Bug I am? Again and Again It's like a game of hide and seek but it's my turn to search and, see, I still know all the hiding spots to check to find the lost and thank The childhood I had, an outsider in my head but never again
5.
Take It Back 05:00
I sent my resumé to God in MLA and 12 point font My awards are all in order and my references are pretty strong My bullets points: concise, and now my grammar's fixed and typo's found I'm hopin' if she sees it I have made my English teacher proud And I've done my share of charity but left out my profanities I know that he's a busy guy and maybe won't remember these The omnipotent editor knows all the trick by now, I'm sure but first impression's stick so I am leading with my best foot first So now I wait for the response A call from my potential boss Did I apply 'cause I am lost? Is it too late to call it off? I didn't know I had an answer for this question 'till I asked but now that I am set in motion all I want's a second chance Take it Back And I’m flinching as I check the mail and flip through bills and grocery sales I throw out all the clutter, understand that it can’t help me now But there it is, I’ve finally heard ‘cause in my hands: the holy word The envelope is gold and it’s addressed “To Whom It May Concern” And I’m too scared to look inside With shaking hands and fading eyes But nothing now can change at all the contents of this envelope It's best I get this over with 'cause ignorance won't save my soul And I read the words one at a time but can't get past the leading line My eyes refocus, open wide “Your application's been denied” I didn't know I had an answer for this question 'till I asked but now that I may never have it all I want's a second chance Take it back “Your application's been denied We can’t accept you at this time We’ll keep your paperwork on file We’ll reach back out when it’s your time We know that life can seem so cruel That’s why today is just too soon You still have so much left to do The world’s not ready to lose you So many lives to still impact Some still have yet to cross your path We know that it’s a lot to ask Please learn your worth, and take it back” Take it back I take it back
6.
Pinecones 04:11
Hands up if life is getting stressful And shout if you are saddened by the news I need some tips to cope, some data or some anecdotes, 'cause right now nothing's workin' for my blues Sometimes I deal by playing music and sometimes I relax by reading books Sometimes I go downtown, climb a tree and don't come down and throw a bunch of pinecones at people A crowd has formed around my tree, just out of reach, and the police have blocked the street on every side But no one can climb it and I think its 'cause they know I have a pinecone here for everyone who tries I yell: I'm gonna live to be a hundred I'm gonna see them cure disease Then I'm gonna watch them go to war over the royalties so if you need me, I'll be in the tree If you need me, I'll be in the tree There's several cameras pointed up into my tree it seems the world's concerned with what I might do next… Throwing pinecones at photographers from up here in this conifer like Tarzan getting scouted by the Mets Yeah, I'm gonna live to be a thousand Got robot arms and run on robot feet Got robot legs and robot head and my robot ass don't know it yet but I'd be better off back in the tree So if you need me, I'll be in the tree… 'Cause no one's asking what would drive me up this pine Is it protest? Am I being paid to preach or advertise? No, this non-deciduous decision was all mine You can show a horse the ropes but no, you cannot make him climb And this tree's a makeshift metaphor and I prefer to think I'm just a stressed out Christmas ornament who needs some space to breathe And if the camera crews and crowded streets and dozens of police are my endless pressures manifested down below my tree Then this giant stack of pinecones… They are the lame and immature ways I deal with them But also how satisfying it is to do so... To dome one... when they're not looking... yeah I'm gonna live to be a million Longer than the flowers, birds and bees but if I start to come undone, make like a tree and hug someone Everybody needs a place to breathe just recognize when it is time to leave I'm probably gonna live forever but should I die (and that may be preferred) take me out and bury me and plant a tree right over me so I may help someone escape the world Yeah, I may help someone escape the world
7.
Pebbles 04:06
Well it would be a lovely start to plant some pebbles in the garden Hope to grow a planet large that floats around in our backyard And yes, your family still could visit We haven't left the solar system If they request consent to land we'll accept if we are wearing pants But most days let's just float on top and orbit all our favorite spots If we get dizzy, let's fall off A couple cozy astronauts Well it would be a lovely start to plant some pebbles in the garden If it won't rain it doesn't matter we'll water them with tears of laughter At first there might not be much to it no forest, roads or rivers through it A rocky globe to start us off and on it grow the world we want The neighbors will all think we're strange as we wave at them from outer space But I had to know just how it felt to grow something bigger than… What I have built alone A home I thought I'd never leave but you and I can shape a world the lakes and towns and everything We'll put a planet in the sky grown from pebbles, you and I And if little aliens do invade attempts at peace will still be made I'll contact them with gifts but if they reject those I will insist on meeting their attacks with might A big galactic pillow fight and just before they win we're told they're allergic to the whimsical So I'll blast this song and don't you know the sweetness makes their heads explode and look they're filled with popcorn so let's grab a snack, sit back, and watch the show… I'm not a chemist, no, I am no geologist but you and I can shape a world The lakes and towns and all of it and bit by bit and stone by stone the pebbles take the shape of somethin' else That’s growing bigger than myself
8.
Braggin' 03:19
I hate braggin', marketing just never seemed intuitive So I've stayed back and in the past have had nothing to do with it but people need a map to see what they should give a damn about To save a forest you may have to print a couple pamphlets out… Oh this attitude is new to me, but things ain't how they used to be As soon as we'd begin to sing you'd plug your ears cartoonishly I'd check the peckin' order well before I crossed the road but either way I'd go I'd always end up feelin' like a joke I mess up all the time but you are doing awesome, kid Time to drop the pouty lip and learn to take a compliment I'm b-b-braggin' and I'm puffin' up my feathers A chicken with a switch in his position altogether I'll stick my chest and neck out as I decorate this fairy tale The color will attract a mate or aggravate the alpha males Just find a purpose, don't consume, produce a tune or something new Use your hands to make a thing that won't exist unless you do You may not make a masterpiece or get your face in magazines You won't be the next Newton just by nappin' under apple trees And live your life like you're a kid, paint and dance and play and if you make a thing, create a bit, you pin that shit up on the fridge! I'm b-b-braggin' and I'm puffin' up my plumage Persuading all the parakeets I'm perfect but the truth is my vocab will distract you, you're just baffled you can talk to me but don’t forget a parrot's only honest as he's taught to be I might exaggerate to turn it up a notch You know what they say: "Give the people what they want" I might exaggerate to try to sound cool Describe a shark tank while talkin' 'bout a kiddie pool… ...And I'm divin' right in it I am swimmin' just to make a big splash Little fish in big pond, little bird in bird bath I can puff out my chest as I float on my back I am bouyant, I guess, when I learn to relax If I'm gonna speak up then I better impress Make my diaphragm grow and my vocal cords stretch and my voice'll get hoarse but my story will spread like a pony tale told off the top of my head I'm b-b-braggin' and I'm puffin' up my ego A penguin playin' make believe but rockin' his tuxedo I'll learn to wing it when I think that plan is goin' south No matter what, I'll always strut, and find something to brag about
9.
Sit with me here in this room, I'm alone, but if you sit with me maybe I won't feel like I'm alone (I'll feel like I'm home) I never went through that rebellious phase where my family was lame and I wanted to be on my own (now I'm on my own) And I wonder if I've wandered too far away and if I should stay... or if I should go home If I close my eyes I am practically there, with my dad on the couch and my mom in her old rocking chair I used to climb on her lap and she'd rock me to sleep, read me stories then carry me back up the stairs And I wonder when I learned to read on my own, grew heavy to hold, too big for her chair You gave me brown hair You gave me brown eyes You gave me the patience I need to be kind You said not to cry, I promised to try I'm waving goodbye I call my mom once a week and my dad twice a year but I love them the same, I've no favorite at all My dad can fix anything but I don't have that gene it just seems like that apple had too far to fall But I wonder if I'll take the best of his traits His humor and faith in the ones that he loves You gave me brown hair, you gave me brown eyes You gave me the patience I need to be kind You said not to cry, I promised to try I'm waving goodbye Columbus, Ohio and Reno, Nevada Chicago and L.A. and now in Seattle I've left behind all of the baggage I had - I still bring you both with me wherever I travel You could've fixed every little mistake The bumps in the road, the cuts and the scrapes Could've fought all my battles and made me feel safe Could've told me I'm perfect, unable to change But the best thing a parent can do for their child is strengthen their heart make them able to wave them goodbye You gave me brown hair, you gave me brown eyes You gave me the patience I need to be kind I said not to cry, you promised to try I'm waving goodbye
10.
I am a creature of habit my tastes are immovable, I order the usual and I already know what I want... keep your menu, I know what I want… Because the options are endless, they're overwhelming at times you just have too much to sell me, so many things to decide you may mock me for opting for what is already mine but what if my cookie cutter is one of a kind? I think there's too much to choose and I've had it Don't change me, creature of habit Left foot, right foot, same way 'round but with this push - I put my foot down Yeah, this time I want change I'm gonna do somethin' crazy (actually, no I'm not) So let me explain, I'm not that anxious to changes I'm not afraid to adapt or think it's actually dangerous It's just a preference to routine and familiar faces I won't break down or die if I just happen to break it I keep the cause to myself, I feel it's reekin' of ego and it’s a fine line to walk, so I am threading that needle It's just the whole human race, well I can take 'em or leave 'em and I can say that, I swear, some of my best friends are people It just feels so good when I've planned it Same time, same place, creature of habit Left foot, right foot, same way 'round but with this push - I put my foot down Yeah, this time I want change I'm gonna do somethin' crazy... / ...Actually no I'm not gonna act like you ask me to act Like a simple machine checking task after task I'm my own human being and I happen to lack the need to be seen chasing fad after fad And I know there's a world full of wonders to see with places to go and pancakes to eat but I base what I know on what things bring me peace My circadian soul likes the pace and the beat that maintains my breathin', blood flow and sleep but won't lift my feet or break my routine So left foot, right foot, same way 'round...
11.
8th grade and crying at the counter 4 a.m. and drowning in her work 3 textbooks spread out around her 1 overwhelmed little girl Her dad walks into the kitchen so hard to see her so stressed Still dark but he's there to listen she's scared of failing her tests He says: "My little girl before you worry at all have you asked the Magic 8 ball?” And with a shake, shake of the Magic 8 her stress melts away with a smile on her face With a lifetime of love, and a small dash of fate A dad takes care of his girl A dad takes care of his girl 22 and panicked in her bedroom 20 outfits thrown on the bed She's wanted this job since she was a kid and 1 interview is all that’s left He has such faith in his daughter he needs her to just believe and just like any good father he's got a trick up his sleeve He says: "My little girl before you worry at all have you asked the Magic 8 ball?” And with a shake, shake of the Magic 8 her stress melts away with a smile on her face With a lifetime of love, and a small dash of fate A dad takes care of his girl A dad takes care of his girl Last year I'm sweatin' in a bench seat I've got a speech well-rehearsed I'm here to ask for his blessing The father of that brave little nurse So I start while I've still got courage "Your daughter has become my best friend and though I'm scared, I'm so nervous I plan to ask for her hand” He looks at me and with no words at all he pulls out his Magic 8 ball… And with a shake, shake of the Magic 8 my stress melts away and my fears are replaced I can't see the words, but he says "It looks great…” And with a shake, shake of the Magic 8 he says that I'm family and this is my place With a lifetime ahead, and a small dash of fate I will take care of your girl I will take care of your girl

credits

released August 20, 2020

Bug - Lyrics / Vocals / Guitar / Piano / Synth / Bass Guitar / Ukulele
Kyle Hodgkinson - Drums
Jesse Gallaway - Lead Guitar / Bass Guitar / Piano / Kazoo

Marcus Alcantara - Drums (Take It Back)
Serina Chang - Cello (Take It Back)
Stephanie Mae - Harmonies (Take It Back)
Mitchell Milander - Lead Guitar (Magic 8)

Cello, Vocals, Guitar, Bass, Drums for Take It Back Recorded at 1 Shot Studio with Dylan Fant
Piano for Take It Back Recorded at The Fremont Abbey

The rest recorded remotely during a global pandemic.

Mixed By Bug
Produced by Bug

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Bug Hunter Seattle, Washington

Songwriter/Singer

Quick, clever consonance. Pop with a lot of thought.

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